Spit-clouds rolled across the deadly brown water. Surfers jostled, dropped in and exploded across Toxic Teahupoo’s reef. Crusty Carl hacked. ‘Good bloody job you got your practise in early, Zack.’ I nodded. Beside me, Annie froze, clutching the deck rail. Darth Staker pushed out from the pier.

Two minutes later, the killer robot was the only surfer in the line-up. Surfers climbed the pier ladders, avoiding each other’s eyes. I did the same.

‘You beat Gopez – a quality goofy!’ Carl waved my Round Three score sheet, his nostrils stretched around twin discount mixed drug suppositories. ‘But your flotation tanks need balancin’.’

‘Later.’ I peeled off my radiation suit. ‘I wanna check this next heat.’

Crusty Carl winked. ‘The purr-fect Catbird wouldn’t happen to be surfin’?’

‘I… like to support my team-mates.’ I glowed red. ‘Besides, it’s Dolphin Bloke, not–’

On cue, DB strutted by. ‘Hey, rookie! Ya missed my Megamounts victory party. Lasted four weeks!’ The beaming sea-mammal stumped his cigar on Poto-27’s tumour. ‘Hear yer’ve finally learned how to go left. Can’t wait to kick yer hairless monkey-bum in the semi-finals! If yer make it that far!’

‘First you have to get past Darth Staker!’

‘Easy as tuna-bake. With my speed and sonar, Darth can’t touch this!’ DB dived in, his radiation-proof contest T-shirt bulging.

Darth Staker strode to the pier edge, turned and actually waved(?), revealing a mysterious machine in the palm of his metal hand.

A chill zanged my spine.

Annie yelled at Darth, ‘Without your blades, you’re a kook in a can!’

The hooter sounded.

DB started with a deep tube. He drove for the lip and pulled an amazing triple-barrel roll while lighting a cigar.

‘An 8.5!’ Carl cried. ‘What are the farken judges farken smokin’? Coz I want some!’

Darth Staker rode a solid tube, though nowhere near as deep. Then… he vanished.

‘I hate it when Staker bloody goes into bloody stealth mode.’

From way up the reef, Dolphin Bloke powered into the set of the day. Sections fell like bridges, DB weaving through them all…

‘This has gotta be the contest’s first bloody 10! What the–’

From nowhere, Darth Staker materialised inside the end bowl, right next to DB’s glowing Havana.

I yelled, ‘Darth must be jamming DB’s sonar!’

Too late. Before the big cetacean could blink, a razor-edged arm sliced. The tube spat. Darth Staker emerged from the rolling mist. Behind him, whitewater roared red. Darth grinned malevolently and held up the severed head of his nearest-on-the-rankings rival.

‘NO!’ Catbird’s scream echoed down New Tahiti’s rusting alleys.