Many years ago I was sitting on the grass bank at South Fistral, watching the surf. I had finally made the haul from London where I had been breaking rocks in the cold sun for a living and spending all that living in the local pub on the way from breaking those rocks. It was a cruel existence that I had placed myself in, probably trying to run away from something, but then I realized that I couldn't run away from my self and as more and more clichés entered my hash-addled brain I decided to haul ass to the UK’s surf city, go surfing, and clean up.
I was really struggling to find mojo, sitting on that cold grassy knoll. It was 2-foot and listless, the wind was frozen and despite the sun, I could smell the cold water much like a dog smells fear. Or maybe it was my own fear I could smell. Or maybe it was something else. Either way, there were two chances that I was going surfing, with the first chance being absolutely fuck-all and the second chance a bit less than the first.
This dude arrived, with the full froth going. He tore out of his car, tore into his full suit, and started desperately installing fins and waxing his board simultaneously, a fairly amazing feat to watch. I looked back at the waves with a lazy eye, and turned back to watch him. He was already sprinting down the path. I subsequently found out that it was top British surfer an all round good guy Lee Bartlett racing out to snap some lefts with his goofy-footed stance in waves that were a 1 out of 40 on the Jarvis scale for that day. It was time to adjust my wave appraisal strategy.
The actual surf scene in the United Kingdom is marred by one major factor: the lack of good, consistent surf. There is a second factor to mar it even more, and that is the weather.
Still, this does make the average British surfer a hardy kind of fellow, with a derisive approach to weather, and a chirpy demeanour when it all gets a bit demanding to be a wave rider in Blightey. Traveling and hanging with a Pommie bastard is better then watching the BBC comedy channel. It’s dry British humour, live and at its best.
The British surfer also knows how to have a good time, is always ready for a post-surf beer and then a few more beers before a few stiff drinks that evening and then maybe a takeaway curry on the way home. (Curry is one of the most popular UK take-away meals.) The only problem I have ever had with the British surfers back then, and even today, is the fact they continue to support Oasis, unwaveringly, despite those Gallagher brothers idiots. According to Noel Gallagher, ‘surfers are, by definition, arseholes’ yet still they are adored.
Bars across the country still play their lamentable wailing, day in and day out, spoiling many a pub lunch.
Talking about music however, there are some decent bands playing at the Boardmasters in Cornwall which started yesterday, including Deadmau5, Primal Scream, Kaizer Chiefs, Craig David, Tom Curren, as well as The Magic Numbers. Oh, and let’s not forget The Smokin Durrys, on Friday night.
So if you want to dance like crazy to Deadmau5 singing about ghosts and things, or think back wistfully about the last time you dropped acid with Primal Scream, or even just chill with Tom Curren and Craig David, or maybe get into a fight at The Smoking Durrys, The Boardmasters is going to be the place for you.
The beach scene gets pretty crazy. It’s a full on British music festival, with the beach as backdrop, and surfing commentary for auxiliary sound effects. The action usually kicks off around midday, the beer is nice and warm and not that many fucks are given.
Despite only being a QS1,000 this year, the Boardmasters does have an amazing history for a surf event, and has a long future ahead of it. Previous winners include Cheyne Horan, Wayne Bartholomew, Tom Carroll and Martin Potter from the old guard, Curren, Occy and Taj from the medium school. The only British surfer to qualify for the Championship Tour, Russel Winter, won this event back in 2003, and Hodei Collazo from Spain is the current defending champion. It’s an exciting event despite the fact that it will most likely get run off in small to tiny surf with not too much power behind it. There will be Men’s WQS 1,000 and women’s WQS 1,000 as well as the Men’s and Women’s LQS (Longboarding) events.
So it’s not going to get a surfer onto the Samsung Galaxy Championship Tour, nor is it going to spit out enough money to retire on, but it is one hell of an event, and those Pommie bastards can be proud of it.
The event website – http://www.boardmasters.co.uk/
