Yesterday I got my dick teased at the Superbank. Hypnotic six-foot tubes spun their way from Snapper to Kirra like a stripper gyrating on a pole at Surfers Paradise. But unless you were a seasoned local, underground ripper or sponsored pro it was nothing but a dose of blue balls.

At one point there were over 600 surfers spread from Snapper to Kirra hustling for that one wave all desperate to be gifted an ecstatic ride from the lady in blue. In reality there were more tales of crew who paddled the current for hours only to get burnt as they finally stroked into a sidewinding drainer.

So did you score with the Super Swell or like me endure a torturous cycle of drop in, get barrelled, get burnt, repeat? The swell is hanging around this week so keep dreaming boys, maybe you’ll end up inside a cavern for two.