You know what I hate about pro football? It’s all the stupid acting, all the thespianism antics on the field in order to win a false penalty or whatever. It’s lame. It’s so pathetic that it turns me off the sport. I don’t mind people who support Man United or Chelsea or whoever, but to watch the actual game? Ten minutes into a big game and there’s a softie taking a dive and acting like he’s been disemboweled. It’s supposed to affect the referee, to sway his decision and to bring out a coloured card or to decide a penalty. Usually the refs in pro football are pretty good and they don’t see the acting, all the fluff and drama and bullshit that is going on. There are clear rules in football, and the game is played as close to the rules as possible.

When I saw Jadson Andre furiously claiming his last wave in his round 2 heat I felt the same. “Calm the fuck down china,” I felt like saying. “Everyone thinks that claims are lame, and a claim on a medium wave for three unimpressive turns is so crap.”

When I saw him claim his wave I decided that I didn’t want him to win, and that I didn’t want to support him again. It’s the very reason why I don’t like Adriano, why Fanning is sometimes questionable and why surfers like Kelly, and Dorian for that matter, are so much more impressive without any stupid claiming. Jadson needed a 3.77, and he was going to do whatever he could – raise his hands in the air like he just don’t care, waggling his index fingers to the skies, all that sort of body language in order to make the judges raise their scores. Irritating isn’t it?

Irritating that he thinks that if he raises his hands in the air and looks at the judges, that Richie Porta and crew are going to give him the score he needs. Also irritating when Adriano does the same, again and again and again. Come on guys.

Having said that, Jadson got the score he needed to advance, and he properly claimed the win on the beach. That claim was cool. He was so amped, and that made me feel good for the guy. So the question is, in a version of the Quantity Theory, does one valid claim cancel out a total wank claim?

I mean fuck, in the very next heat Tatiana Weston-Webb got the barrel of the contest, maybe of the year, for the girls, hit the lip afterwards and scored a 10-point ride AND DIDN’T EVEN CLAIM IT! She calmly rode it out.

A claim, according to Slater, is supposed to be only for an excellent wave, otherwise it’s $100 fine into the kitty jar. Therefore Jadson should be made to pay a couple of grand for that degrading round 2 claim.

All photos World Surf League Poullenot/Kirstin

Recap: Heat Analyser

Quiksilver Pro France Round 2 Results:

Heat 1: Maxime Huscenot (FRA) 6.10 def. Filipe Toledo (BRA) 5.90

Heat 2: Owen Wright (AUS) 14.57 def. Caio Ibelli (BRA) 12.07

Heat 3: Kelly Slater (USA) 17.37 def. Aritz Aranburu (ESP) 1.93

Heat 4: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 10.56 def. Dusty Payne (HAW) 1.33

Heat 5: Italo Ferreira (BRA) advanced over Alejo Muniz (BRA) (Injury Withdrawal)

Heat 6: Nat Young (USA) 12.66 def. Ricardo Christie (NZL) 12.27

Heat 7: Josh Kerr (AUS) 9.60 def. Glenn Hall (IRL) 7.16

Heat 8: Michel Bourez (PYF) 7.67 def. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 6.40

Heat 9: Keanu Asing (HAW) 11.17 def. Joel Parkinson (AUS) 2.86

Heat 10: Kai Otton (AUS) 12.00 def. Adam Melling (AUS) 7.17

Heat 11: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 10.17 def. Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 8.16

Heat 12: Jadson Andre (BRA) 9.20 def. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 9.20

Round 3 Match-ups:

Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Brett Simpson (USA)

Heat 2: Nat Young (USA) vs. Jadson Andre (BRA)

Heat 3: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Kolohe Andino (USA)

Heat 4: Italo Ferreira (BRA) vs. Keanu Asing (HAW)

Heat 5: Bede Durbidge (AUS) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)

Heat 6: Mick Fanning (AUS) vs. Maxime Huscenot (FRA)

Heat 7: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Tomas Hermes (BRA)

Heat 8: Kai Otton (AUS) vs. John John Florence (HAW)

Heat 9: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Michel Bourez (PYF)

Heat 10: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. C.J. Hobgood (USA)

Heat 11: Josh Kerr (AUS) vs. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)

Heat 12: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Dane Reynolds (USA)