Well fuck it Bede. You win some and you lose some, but I’m pretty bummed. Me, I had faith and I thought I had vision.

When you trounced J-Dub in those shonky conditions in the semi, even though the little nipper got barreled on both of his scoring waves, I was still totally confident that you were going to smash it. The fact that you were using those power turns, as I described here left me totally convinced that you were going to kill it in the final.

Then the WSL did an online poll, and it was 91% for a Gabby win, and 9% Durbidge win, and I was more enraged. I knew you were going to do it.

I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man

It was also a lot about me, this final. I just wanted to show everyone that I knew my way around pro surfing, that my prediction for your win was spot on, that I could use your win to elevate my lowly position as an inaccurate surf writer and possibly get some more work to pay for my habits. Fuck it man, you had to win, for me!

I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest

Your previous heats were incredible. You had everything going in the contest and I knew that you were gelling with the conditions. As you mentioned, it reminded you of your homebreak of North Straddie, hollow and peaky with tons of curve in the face, and I thought you had it. I thought you were the man of the moment. Fuck it, man…

P.S. We should be together too

Thing is Gabriel tore the shit out of that final, and was on world champ form even though Blakey called his year thus far ‘the lamest ever title defense.’ His surfing was on point and so no disgrace to get second place. Opening up with a 9-point ride and following it up with an 8.50 and all this after his 10-pointer in the semi against the dwarfish pig-with-lipstick Championship Tour surfer Adriano de Souza who might yet become the new world champion, I knew you were up shit street. Still, it’s hard to not be sad at your loss.

I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall

So it’s a big and honest congrats to Medina, sorry for your loss with regards to your cool-sounding grandfather, and well done for tearing the top off a few nice waves, but well done to Bede as well, for showing the world that there is no need to be a little trickster, and that old school surfing is still dangerous.

Two turns for 9 points totally discredits the fact that all the WSL commentators do ad infinitum is say that surfers like Medina and Filipe can take off on an average wave and get a big score. So can you. No little deft slapping of lips, it’s all about putting your back foot down hard, and tearing the top off a few waves. That’s the way forward.

So Bede, let’s hope for a huge resurgence in power surfing. For Kong-style destruction of wave faces, for muscle surfing with flair, and a solid rail game, and hopefully quite a lot less of Strider on the webcast, please. What do you reckon?

“Well, I love Portugal and have done well there in the past,” said Bede, somewhat nonchalantly “so I look forward to that.”

All photos World Surf League Kirstin/Poullenot

Recap: Heat Analyser

Quarterfinal Results:

QF 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) 17.00 def. Italo Ferreira (BRA) 9.00

QF 2: Bede Durbidge (AUS) 14.10 def. Mick Fanning (AUS) 12.57

QF 3: Adriano De Souza (BRA) 15.37 def. Owen Wright (AUS) 13.83

QF 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 14.43 def. John John Florence (HAW) 13.10

Semifinal Results:

SF 1: Bede Durbidge (AUS) 11.73 def. Julian Wilson (AUS) 10.84

SF 2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 15.67 def. Adriano De Souza (BRA) 12.50

Quiksilver Pro France Final Results:

Gabriel Medina (BRA) 17.50 def. Bede Durbidge (AUS) 9.44

WSL Men’s Top 10 Rankings:

1. Mick Fanning (AUS) 49,900 pts

2. Adriano de Souza (BRA) 49,450 pts

3. Owen Wright (AUS) 43,600 pts

4. Julian Wilson (AUS) 41,450 pts

5. Gabriel Medina (BRA) 40,650 pts

6. Filipe Toledo (BRA) 40,200 pts

7. Kelly Slater (USA) 34,150 pts

8. Italo Ferreira (BRA) 34,100 pts

9. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 33,000 pts

10. Bede Durbidge (AUS) 31,200 pts