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Slater, the Coronavirus Crooner

Evaluating Kelly’s solo show on Instagram

A shirtless, Kelly Slater appears on the Insta screen; those well-defined pecs and biceps visible just above the guitar he’s clutching. Kelly announces his intention to sing an original track he wrote a couple of years ago. “I just realised the lyrics are quite fitting for now,” he muses.

<blockquote class=”instagram-media” data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink=”https://www.instagram.com/tv/B-I4RVIg6PS/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading” data-instgrm-version=”12″ style=” background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% – 2px); width:calc(100% – 2px);”><div style=”padding:16px;”> <a href=”https://www.instagram.com/tv/B-I4RVIg6PS/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading” style=” background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;” target=”_blank”> <div style=” display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;”> <div style=”background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;”></div> <div style=”display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;”> <div style=” background-color: #F4F4F4; 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font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;”> View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style=”padding: 12.5% 0;”></div> <div style=”display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;”><div> <div style=”background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);”></div> <div style=”background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;”></div> <div style=”background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);”></div></div><div style=”margin-left: 8px;”> <div style=” background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;”></div> <div style=” width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)”></div></div><div style=”margin-left: auto;”> <div style=” width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);”></div> <div style=” background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);”></div> <div style=” width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);”></div></div></div></a> <p style=” margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;”> <a href=”https://www.instagram.com/tv/B-I4RVIg6PS/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading” style=” color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;” target=”_blank”>A song I wrote in 2003. Seems fitting now. Needed to warm up the vocals but you get the picture. Tagging these people for some type of original song! @anderson._paak @jackjohnson @johncruzmusic @pfunklove @ronartisii @lukasnelsonofficial @lilycornellsilver @oliviajames611 (with dad and sister on her original song).</a></p> <p style=” color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;”>A post shared by <a href=”https://www.instagram.com/kellyslater/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading” style=” color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;” target=”_blank”> Kelly Slater</a> (@kellyslater) on <time style=” font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;” datetime=”2020-03-25T01:50:40+00:00″>Mar 24, 2020 at 6:50pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async src=”//www.instagram.com/embed.js”></script>

We are in the midst of a global crisis and the best surfer ever has decided that his self-composed, soft-rock tune will be entertaining and also capture the sentiment of the moment. There are some who will condemn Kelly’s bare-chested cameo as the vainglorious act of a narcissist, but even they will have to admit it’s ballsy. If he wanted, Kelly could just use Insta to re-post clips of his best waves and rest on his laurels. The likes would still sky-rocket and his self-esteem would remain safely intact. Or when he one-day retires, he could simply sit in the commentary box and cut in on Joe Turpel’s monologues at necesary moments. We’d be happy with that.

Instead, here he is putting his ass on the line by playing original music to a global audience. This is surely someone who thrives on taking risks and new challenges. Perhaps that’s the secret to Kelly’s fountain of youth; the tendency to ensure he never gets too comfortable.

Psychological evaluations aside, for mine the song and the performance is actually pretty good. Kelly displays a surprising vocal range with a Dave Gray kind of vibe. He doesn’t hold back either. There may be a couple of kinks but he goes for it like a surfer chasing a 9.5 with a minute to go. I’m waiting for some judge from The Voice or a serious musician to rip him apart here, but it certainly served as a temporary cure to the Corona blues for me.

The song inspired gushing praise from many of his followers. ‘Save some talent for us’ suggested one follower, summing up the way Kelly makes many of us feel. ‘Hell Yeah!’ stated WCT surfer Conner Coffin who also has a sideline act as a muso.

Admittedly some of Kelly’s Insta opinions on major issues haven’t gone down so well – his comments on the Australian bushfires and the shark issue in Reunion Island have been picked apart and attacked. Perhaps we will see him more frequently turn to song as a means of expression as opposed to opinionated posts, when a major issue arises. Of course, it’s far from the first time Kelly has made a foray into the music world.

<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/nyhnm4DJFfc” frameborder=”0″ allow=”accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture” allowfullscreen></iframe>

He was once part of a band with Pete Mel and Rob Machado called ‘The Surfers’. In 2006 Eddie Vedder played a secret gig at the Waimea Canyon and asked Kelly up on stage and there have been multiple cameo performances with good friend Jack Johnson and others.

<iframe width=”560″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/WijzeXZ3Ujg” frameborder=”0″ allow=”accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture” allowfullscreen></iframe>

A quick search for other sportspeople who also like to show off their musical talents brought up the following article. Kelly wasn’t on the list, but maybe he should be.      

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