Over the course of the recent Billabong Pro Tahiti Gabriel Medina seemed hell-bent on channeling his inner Lance Burkhart. From drop-ins, to inside paddling he illustrated some of the filthiest habits in the surfing book. Perhaps some fans thrive on ruthless tactics but the same approach generally doesn’t go down well in a regular lineup. So in an ode to Gabe, we thought we’d remind you of what not to do in the water. Don’t do these, and the world will be a better place.
Drop in
The cardinal sin of all surfing; up there with punching the Pope if you are Catholic, carving a pig if you are Jewish, or braining a cow if you are a Hindu. The drop in remains the lowest, filthiest, dirtiest trick in the surfing book.
Now proponents of the drop-in will often try to justify their indecent obsession. They’ll claim that they have waited their turn and that the guy deserved it. They’ll shout that the surfer on the inside was never going to make it, or that a lesson was being taught in some form or another. That is of course 99 per cent of the time pure bullshit as surfers justify their greed, or localism, or plain bullying tactics. A drop in is a drop in, the most unforgivable, least dignified and dirtiest act in surfing. Even at the Superbank.
Claiming
In an ideal world the planet’s oceans should be free of the claim. Now I’m pretty sure the ancient Hawaiian Kings claimed a wave or two, but even if they were riding a 10-foot wave on a 16-foot balsa gun whilst simultaneously deflowering a nude virgin, it doesn’t make it right.
Of course competitive surfing has played its part, with scores of groms now spending as much time practising their claims as their inverted grabs. Mind you it’s not their fault, if you watch a big day of Pipeline, you’ll see more claims than at NRMA HQ.
For us every day punters though the claim is an ostentatious display of egomania. It shouldn’t be in anyone’s quiver and has no real advantage, other than making you look like a bit of a coin.
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<p><a href="https://vimeo.com/27185643">How To Claim – Surf Sufficient</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/korduroy">www.KORDUROY.tv</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>
Pro Surfing’s Dirtiest Tricks
Professional or competitive surfing, with its win-at-all-cost mentality was always going to be the hotbed of all things dirty and sneaky. No surprise then that it’s when the coloured singlets have come on that the nastiest acts of skullduggery have occurred. As far back as the 1970s Michael Peterson was famous for his brutal competitive act, even going so far as to steal his competitor’s boards. It’s rumoured that Michael Ho once waxed Rabbit’s board with soap before a Bells heat. Damien Hardman once tricked Tom Carroll into an interference by standing up on a foamie, broken wave. It seems Gabriel Medina is the latest to join this elite list. The Brazilian would have a paddle battle with a goldfish in a tank, and his shake hands to concede with Julian in the final, before spinning to catch a wave, was right up there with the sport’s greatest dirtiest tricks.
leash pull?… from thegoods:CJ and Damien Hobgood on Vimeo.
Paddling Inside
Just next to the drop in the list of surfing’s dirtiest and most dishonest acts, to paddle on the inside is to break all that is sacred and dignified in surfing. If everyone was to follow the simple unwritten rules of not paddling inside, the surfing world would be a much calmer more peaceful place. Yet a quick surf at Mundaka, the Superbank, heck even Bronte Reef, will show you that once the order has broken, anarchy and violence will quickly come in and take its place. Greed becomes the driving force and intimidation rules the day. It’s a simple and beautiful thing to look around and work out who is on the inside and who has been waiting the longest. Patience is a virtue and to paddle on the inside is both morally corrupt and plain greedy.
Other Dirty Acts
Calling your mates at the beach when it’s firing or worse Instragraming it is a filthy habit and should be stopped. Putting sponsor's stickers on your board when you’re not sponsored (especially if you just work for the company), pink zinc, surfing in speedos, neoprene boardshorts, blowing up photos of yourself surfing to hang on the wall and getting a surfbrand logo tattoo are all also a long, long way from Godliness.
