8 Times When Surfing Really Does Suck.
The Onshore Puff
Following a 6am wake up, a two hour drive, a three hundred yard beach run, just as you put on your legrope you feel the slight puff of a new onshore. You ignore it and hope it goes away. It doesn’t.
The Endless Surf Check
Your first surf check and there are few good waves. Yet, being human and greedy, you sense there might be somewhere just a little better. You go looking for better waves, and do so repeatedly at six other beaches, your decision making process getting more and more skewed. Eventually you head back and surf the first break you checked. It is now half as good as it was an hour ago.
The Ice Bucket
Early winter morning and putting your board in the car, you notice your steamer sitting in the bucket, sandy, salty and squelching in a puddle of near frozen water. Last night you just couldn’t be arsed to take the three minutes to wash and hang it out. You are a dick.
When Good Rock Jumps Go Bad
Your quick and dry haired entry to the line-up via the jump rock becomes a long and painful one as you slip, land on your arse, ding your board and have to start all over again, this time though soundtracked by the sniggering of the watching pack.
The Leggy Between The Toes
Taking off on the wave of the day, the one you have waited the whole session for, you stand up with your leggy wrapped around your toes. You are forced to ride the whole wave stuck in a weird stance, unable to turn. You are a kook.
Neoprene Clad Stiffy
Walking down the beach you spot the hot chick you have always fancied, in a very small bikini. After a five-minute chat your appreciation, like your blood, has flowed south. You have an erection, in a wetsuit, and there is no hiding that bad boy.
Swallows to Squares
Finally getting your brand new custom board off your shaper (the four week wait already having turned into seven) you notice the swallow tail your ordered is now a square. Torn between another seven-week wait and having a brand new stick under your arm, you take the board. The one you will never ever really like.
On a boat trip you and your five mates watch on from the line-up as another boat drops anchor. 10 minutes later you hear the synchronised splash as eight sponsored kids, all under 22, jump off the boat.