It’s been 234 days since the 2019 Pipe Masters. That’s a long time between Joe Turpel and Martin Potter waxing lyrical about our favourite CT brothers and sisters. 

Have you enjoyed the silence?

In a few days, the WSL will host a speciality event provocatively titled, ‘Rumble at the Ranch’. The closed doors event will feature remote judging and commentary, a total of 16 surfers, and a mixed-doubles format. 

A huge departure from what we all consider pro surfing to look like. 

And it’s in a wave pool. 

But hey, it’s 2020 and the whole world has been turned upside down. 

Surfers are still being locked in. It’s not certain whether the WSL is trying to build up the anticipation of who will be on hand. Or, if the pros aren’t lining up to risk the biscuit and catch a dose of what their orange leader has dubbed the ‘kung flu’.  

Confirmed attendees at the time of print include: 

Kelly Slater

Carissa Moore

Filipe Toledo 

Caroline Marks

Kolohe Andino

Sage Erickson

Adriano de Souza

Conner Coffin 

Coco Ho

Alyssa Spencer 

Kirra Pinkerton

Tatiana Weston-Webb

Seth Moniz

Not much meat on the bone really. 

A genuine way to get viewers invested would be to unpack the motives behind Kelly unveiling his serpentine wave the morning after Adriano secured his maiden world title. 

Ouch. 

A warts-and-all ESPN style 30 for 30 documentary series on Kelly’s decision to throw shade on de Souza’s title would have me invested in the event. 

It’s not like the Wozzle hasn’t had time to produce something better than another episode of Koa Smith unboxing things.

Have you watched Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. The New York Knicks? Amazing. If you loved The Last Dance and want to feel what a rivalry is and see what it looks like, WSL take note, this is the perfect story for you. 

Storylines abound.

The horror for de Souza. Kelly snatching back the spotlight when it was the Brazilian’s moment to shine and laughing like an evil James Bond villain as the first wave is ploughed and sent down the line. The reactions from the pros and peers. 

Wouldn’t that make Rumble at the Ranch more interesting?

Will someone get slapped?

Will Adriano serve sweet revenge to Kelly at the pool? 

Kelly, Adriano are you out there? Someone say something and fan the flames so there’s a reason for me to tune into this so-called Rumble at the Ranch. 

Don’t let the first event die in the cradle.