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Yeah, Barton is a Legend … But Didn’t We Already Know That?

And wasn’t Pottz a legend once, too, before we all got over the way he talks about surfing?

But here’s the thing, Pottz is still a legend. And so is Barton. Guys like that are going to be legends whether they commentate the sport or not. They climbed to the top of the world, man, no one can take that away from them.

Yesterday I dared ask if we really wanted Barton Lynch as our new race caller and a lot of people said, ‘Of course, the guy’s royalty.’ Some of you told me to pull my head in. One bloke suggested, ‘Fuck Strider off!’ It was chaotic. There were insults flying everywhere. Mostly at me, but also at Pottz and Joe and the others. Which suggests on some level this discussion goes deeper than let’s just get rid of so-and-so and replace them with somebody else. Because how long is that going to last? If we replace Pottz with Barton or Joe with Siri (sorry Joe, you seem like a nice dude), then how long before we want to replace BL with Occ or tell Apple to upgrade their plug-ins? (Wait … Samsung … never mind).

I guess what I’m saying is, instead of calling for heads to roll and thinking one person can lift surf commentary to towering new heights, shouldn’t we first be asking what it is that we want to hear? And before we get too deep into it, let’s just acknowledge it’s only surfing. I mean, on one level we should all be grateful that we even get to take part in such a sick pastime without dodging bullets or bombs or shitting in the same water we drink from. But on the other hand, this is the capitalist western world we’re living in, and if we have to expose ourselves to ads about banks and gambling and new-age hipsters drinking piss, then we’re entitled to expect a certain standard when we watch the world’s best, or at least feel like we have some input. We are, after all, the consumers.

So what’s missing? What’s going to make those long lulls at Snapper not seem so long? What crucial bits of insight will enable us to better connect with the bullshit surfing we’re seeing? Yesterday, in response to the constant furore I see exploding around the commentary team, I suggested that instead of adding another ex-world champ to the roster (a highly articulate, knowledgeable ex-world champ, yes, but again, isn’t that meant to be Pottz’s thing?), the WSL should add someone young who rips, someone who’s been there and only just hung-up the jersey or gone painfully close to making it. Someone with blood still on them from the battle. Because I’d love to hear a raw, firsthand account of what it’s like to grind it out for nine months these days trying to win a world title. Surely that’s changed a bit since Pottz and Barton’s day. Or even Ross’s. And let’s face it, we’re not really getting those insights from the surfers in their post-heat interviews. But that’s only one thing that could be brought to the table, and it seems kind of obvious that if we crave diversity from the same old game talk it’d make sense to bring in someone with a unique perspective. As for who, my guess is as good as yours. Off the top of my head … Mitch Crews, maybe? Or Brett Simpson? They’d certainly have the hands-on experience. Whether they have the know-how or desire is another thing. But I’m sure someone does. (And it’s probably not Mason Ho).

Beyond that, though, this isn’t simply about young or old, or about questioning Barton’s validity, it’s about articulating a desire to hear more diverse, interesting discussions from the guys calling the action, and in order to do that we might need to start thinking about what it would involve, rather than resorting to the same tired catcalls of ‘Fuck Joe!’ or ‘Get rid of Ronnie!’

Because as it stands, that shit ain’t helping anybody.

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Your portal to cultural events happening in and around the surfing sphere.
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