The world’s best surfing judge, commentator and overall performance analyst has been discovered in a small coastal town in Victoria, Australia. Mick Jones, (aka Blue or Jonesy) aged 33, an out-of-work bricklayer, was discovered after posting several comments during the recent Quik Pro and Roxy Pro webcasts.
“These judges are a fucking disgrace,” was one such alert during the Quik Pro competition, “if that wave of Medina’s in the final was an 8.5, then I’ll have sex with a pig. The judges seen to be neglecting flow and style for the same backhand turn and it makes me sick.”
Later he said on Facebook, “Does the head judge have his tongue up Adriano’s arse? Sure he rips, but he is getting 8s for wide stance taps to the shore. They seem to rewarding length of ride.” Three people liked the comment.
When questioned how he came to have such obvious superior judging skills to the panel of five independent paid professionals who do the job for a living, Watson was adamant. “It’s not rocket surgery, I just watch the webcast, well I flick between a load of sites, and then maybe watch a couple of the waves on the replays. It’s pretty basic.”
Kelly Slater is often vocal if he feels he was under scored in his heats. Photo by Peter Joli Wilson.Watson, who last surfed competitively in 2003, when he came fourth in heat in the local boardriders, also professes to be more articulate and well informed than 95 per cent of the commentators used on the webcasts, according to his comments.
“Martin Potter may have fluked a world title 30 years ago, but that doesn’t mean I should have to listen to the fucker drone on about how he invented the aerial every fucking heat,” was one comment posted in the comment section of a surf site. “Those Americans are like someone being sick in my earholes,” was another well researched criticism.
When asked how he would approach commentating four days of 30 minute heats, where in each heat actual waves ridden account for 22 seconds, Watto was confident. “Well I wouldn’t talk shit for a start. And I’d be fucking funny. I mean how hard can it be? Sitting in a booth watching Kelly Slater, it’s a bloody dream job if you ask me. I can’t believe that keep employing the same morons. Give me and a few mates a carton of beer and we’d kill it.”
Watson also had strong online views and creative solutions for the new ASP structure, the event locations, Brazilians in general, Jordy Smith’s hair, Dane’s boards, the art of claiming, Julian Wilson’s stance, the number of webcast advertisements and why the women surfers on tour should surf topless. In fact it appears that is basically the answer to all of pro surfing problems.
